Monthly Archives: May 2013

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Let’s Get Graphic – Literopathy and Comics

May 16, 2013 12:42 pm , 3 Comments ,

When you write your troubles/questions into the group here ate Literopathy I suspect you are expecting your prescription to include mainly novel ideas.  Poems, essays, books – medicine of the written word.  There are a bevvy of smart, sassy and well-read people here who can recommend something along those lines but sometimes you’ll get something a little…different.  Sometimes we’ll tell you to get yourself to a comic store and read a graphic novel.

Comics.  Manga.  Sequential art.  Largely misunderstood by the general population (despite a string of successful movies and television shows) as something childish and the domain of males.  I’m here to smash those misconceptions and introduce you to the wonderful world of graphic storytelling!  Here is my personal list of “comics for people who don’t read comics”.  I have compiled this list with two criterion:  1)  The story be contained in one graphic novels (rather than series that can span many volumes) and 2)  I have had success recommending them to real live people in the comic store I work at.  I tried to pick the best of the best but truthfully even that was hard – there are so many great choices lining my shelves!  Since this post couldn’t go on forever though I narrowed it down to five.

So without further ado:  “Lady Dee’s Comics For People Who Don’t Read Comics”

essexcountysoftcover_lgEssex County by Jeff Lemire

This book is as Canadian as hockey, beer and small towns in Ontario.  All of which it includes.  A 2011 selection of Canada Reads – the essential Canadian novels of the decade.  Jeff Lemire weaves together the story of three people in a small Ontario town with the delicacy of a master craftsman.  It’s the story of one community through the years – through all the joy, the loss, the regret, the love.  The artwork is simple, fresh and draws us into the story quickly – holding us there until the last page is turned – and the last tear is shed.

blankets

 

Blankets – Craig Thompson

A coming-of-age autobiography from Craig Thompson that tells the story of his childhood growing up in an Evangelical Christian Family, his first love and his early adulthood.  Craig originally penned Blankets as a way to “come out” to his parents that he was no longer Christian.  This is the book that I constantly hear from customers how they “couldn’t put it down” and read it from cover to cover in one day – despite it’s large size.   Blankets was widely considered a milestone in the graphic novel medium because of it’s literary depth and delicate artwork.  There are so many ways one can connect to the story within Blankets that I’ve found myself reading it during times of great change to remind myself that I am not alone – and that things will work out though not necessarily as I planned.

Castlewaitin_1

 Castle Waiting – Linda Medley

This is the story of what happened after “Happily Ever After…”  A feminist fairy tale that anyone can read and enjoy but will get a special joy out of if you have any knowledge of myths and tales of old.  The amazing detail in the artwork.  The pleasant and interesting characters.  The focus on the lives of the castle’s women.  Faeries, magic, potions, pregnancy, death, laughter – Castle Waiting is a vibrant fantasy world full of what fairy tales always were – reflections of our own lives.

daytripper

 

Daytripper – Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba

The unforgettable and engaging story of the lives and deaths of a writer in Brazil – a fascinating puzzle of a story I’ve read several times, each time finding new pieces to add.  I was brought to tears.  I was angry and happy all at once.  Master storytelling and beautiful artwork combine to create something truly unique and magical – something that has stayed with me since my initial reading.  Daytripper is for those looking for something different in their comic book experience – or for those who don’t realize that comics can be so much more than what they think.

watchmen

 

Watchmen – Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons

Have you seen the movie?  Good – forget it.  You need to read the only graphic novel to make Time’s 100 best NOVELS of all time list.  Watchmen is regarded as the greatest graphic novel or comic series ever produced.  It’s simultaneously a critique of superheroes and a reflection of the social anxieties of the time.  It’s an alternate reality that closely mirrors the contemporary world of the 1980’s.  Overturning the usual tropes of the genre, this makes a hero of a psychopath and a villain of a do-gooder, leaves the only true superhero powerless and comes to a genuinely shocking conclusion.  Take your time with Watchmen – there is more to digest than at first glance.

I hope my list has inspired you to try something graphic.  Your local comic shop should carry most of these.  Find a shop here:  Comic Shop Locator and get yourself some comics!

 

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Transcontinental and Alone: White Oleander

May 8, 2013 9:00 am , Leave a Comment ,

Hello!

I just got dumped by someone I was deeply in love with because she’s at a great distance and long distance doesn’t work anymore.

Also, I have read 3 nonfiction books recently and am thinking I’d like something more along the fiction front.

I’m more of a fan of the classics that postmodern, but am open.

Thoughts? What should I read next?

 Sincerely,

Waiting to Read in CA

 

Dear Waiting to Read,

Long distance relationships suck, let me tell you firsthand. I’ll spare you the details, but mine didn’t work out, either. Sometimes you can look past the distance and the fact that you’re in love with a voice on the other end of a phone, and sometimes, you’ve got to find your own way through the desert and live for yourself.

Maybe that’s why I related so much to “White Oleander”, by Janet Fitch. An intense firecracker of a novel, I’m recommending this one because it’s not about long distance relationships – not really. It’s about finding your own identity when you’ve been defined so long by someone else.  Possessing a narrative full of lush prose and amazing images, this book reads like poetry and non-fiction put together, if there is such a thing. It’s compelling, blunt, beautiful and painful, and it made me feel better after I was left bereft by the end of my own relationship.

Here’s the Goodreads summary:

When Astrid’s mother, a beautiful, headstrong poet, murders a former lover and is imprisoned for life, Astrid becomes one of the thousands of foster children in Los Angeles. As she navigates this new reality, Astrid finds strength in her unshakable certainty of her own worth and her unfettered sense of the absurd.

Sometimes, it’s about taking what you’ve learned from pain and beauty and applying it to your own life. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean that it won’t always hurt a little, especially if you’re really in love with someone. Astrid admits that hurt should show because it means you’re alive and stronger than before.

“In a perverse way, I was glad for the stitches, glad it would show, that there would be scars. What was the point in just being hurt on the inside? It should bloody well show.”

And she traces her way through a rough and horrible foster care experience, through “mothers” who were better and worse than her own, through different homes and different experiences, through being a broken child who grows into a broken woman. She’s broken, but she’s whole.

Without my wounds, who was I? My scars were my face, my past was my life.

The awesome thing about this book is that it’s not your stereotypical happy ending. That’s the main reason why I’m recommending it – it focuses on the journey and the learning. I think as a non-fiction reader, Waiting to Read, you’ll appreciate Astrid’s sometimes blunt, factual voice and harsh suffering better than an inspirational novel promising you everything will get better and be okay.

But here’s a tip from one who’s been there, who’s struggled, and who’s wearing her own scars proudly:

It’ll be okay.

Happy reading!

White Oleander, by Janet Fitch

White Oleander, by Janet Fitch

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How to escape from a rut

May 6, 2013 11:18 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Dear Literopathy,

I feel like I have no direction, like I’m running as fast as I can to stay in one place. As if my life is over at the age of 25 and nothing of interest will or can happen or change. I want my life to be exciting and meaningful profound like the books I read, and I feel like I’m perpetually waiting. How do I begin?

– Julia

Dear Julia,

A number of books spring to mind. Particularly, you’ve made me think of Lewis Carroll’s Through The Looking Glass, when you say that you’re “running as fast as I can to stay in one place”. There are many titles that seem to echo your particular circumstances, with a positive ending—Douglas Coupland’s jPod and Rob Payne’s Working Class Zero (which, I believe, would also satisfy our CanCon quotas)—but ultimately the champion goes to Lois McMaster Bujold’s The Warrior’s Apprentice.

This book introduces Miles Vorkosigan (and her Vorkosigan saga), in truly spectacular fashion: Miles, only son of the only son of the Count Vorkosigan, washes out of his planet’s military academy during a final physical trial by breaking both his already-fragile legs in the first eight pages.

Suddenly, Miles’ future appears to have collapsed along with his shins. His militaristic society will certainly never accept his becoming Count without any military service, particularly in consideration of his pedigree—his father is known as the greatest leader ever to serve in their military. It appears that he’ll inevitably destroy his family’s good name when he becomes Count, primarily because his people won’t respect him.

Miles doesn’t take this defeat sitting down, however. Though it seems he’ll never serve in his world’s space fleet, he takes up smuggling, and promptly bluffs his way into owning an entire mercenary fleet with thousands of devoted, loyal soldiers. Miles has something of a talent for bravado, and it makes his mouth both his greatest asset and his greatest liability. While discussing your case, one of our staff described Miles by saying, “Half the time Bujold has to knock him unconscious to get him to stay still long enough for her to finish the book.” Even Miles knows this:

“I’ve got forward momentum. There’s no virtue in it. It’s just a balancing act. I don’t dare stop.”

Miles builds up a lot of momentum for himself, largely through an over-developed confidence in his ability to improvise. And this is what many of us, in our day-to-day lives, feel like we lack. We find ourselves stuck in a particular role that we’ve probably assigned to ourselves—when I’m not reading, or being a dad, I’m a computer programmer, and for many reasons, that sometimes feels like what I’m destined to be forever.

When Miles is suddenly thrust out of what he perceives to be his trajectory, he creates his own—but that creates a whole new trajectory that even he doesn’t see coming. Miles doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but he makes snap decisions, with only minimal apparent regard for consequences, because he’s confident he’ll be able to get himself out of it.

We recommend The Warrior’s Apprentice because it becomes a vivid demonstration of what a person can do when they’re thrust out of their comfort zone. In Miles’ case, outside forces pushed him at first, but there’s certainly nothing to say that we can’t push ourselves. Try something you’ve never done—audition for a play, volunteer with a group that does something you agree with—and see where it takes you, and what you like. Life rarely gets interesting when you want to, and sometimes we have to make it interesting ourselves.

Fellow readers, have you ever felt stuck in a rut? What helped you out?

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Heed The Call Or Let It Go To Voicemail?

May 4, 2013 12:34 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Hi Literopathy,

I’m smack dab in the middle of my life; a mother, wife and dutiful employee. I have heard the call of my heart, career wise (life wise, spirit wise) but don’t know how to move from where I’m at to where I believe I need to be. The call is powerful and potent, but the restrictions are things of my own choosing and things I love and can’t give up. Do I heed the call of the universe, and do what I’m supposed to do? If so, how? Or do I tend to practical things only. It seems so late in life to make such changes. What should I read to help me make my future clear?

Sincerely, 

H

Dear H,

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a crystal ball, to just feel sure of where we’re going and what we’re doing? To have a goal, to know we’re meant for great things, that all this humdrum and routine bullshit is actually worth something, actually going somewhere? Aren’t we all adventurers in our own special ways?

And when we can’t be adventuring, when we really can’t make the endless piles of paperwork, red tape, dirty diapers and dishes turn magically into creative fodder and ambitious design, don’t we deserve to rekindle our lust for that spark? It’s that spark, after all, that joy of adventuring into the unknown, that gets us up in the morning, that drives us through the day. Don’t we all wish we could be the protagonists of our stories, constantly hurled into a set of coincidences that force us into action, plot devices that not only pause our dull lives but alter their courses forever?

The books that I’m about to recommend are not what one might call ‘works of literary genius.’ They haven’t won (too many) prizes, or brought in accolades. In fact, some of them have been criticized a fair bit, and for good reason. If you’re not willing to fly by the seat of your pants, let go of disbelief and truly adventure, these books aren’t going to do it for you. But, trust me on this one, if you’re ready for change and adventure, these are the books you’re looking for.  When I (the person writing this prescription, not the entire group) read them in my 20s, they completely turned my life around because I was able to look past the flaws in the writing and grasp the message that was being put forth. I was able to turn the inspiration inward to myself. These books gave me hope that I, too, could find that kind of hope, adventure, love, strength, definition in my life. They made me believe that I, too, could find change, if only I could even just briefly let go of the practical things in my life that needed my attention..

The important thing to remember is that to experience a change, you have to be open to it. You have to be ready to see it. And we cannot see change if we’re knee-deep in laundry, wishing that the universe would just tell us already what the heck we’re doing here. But the universe isn’t always so obliging, is it? “Be the change you want to see in the world,” someone important once said, and as trite as that sounds, sometimes it’s what we need to do in order to build the lives that we want.

With all of this in mind, dear mid-life, routinized-to-death reader, here is a book that may convince you that you don’t have to give up the daily grind in order to follow your calling. You have the ability to do both, if you just put faith in yourself and invite life and all its unpredictability in, even just a little bit.

All of this is to explain why our prescription for you is James Redfield’s The Celestine Prophecy.

Here’s the blurb on Goodreads (and I share it in its entirety for a reason, stand by.)

The Celestine Prophecy contains secrets that are currently changing our world. Drawing on ancient wisdom, it tells you how to make connections among the events happening in your own life right now…and lets you see what is going to happen to you in the years to come!

A book that has been passed from hand to hand, from friend to friend, since it first appeared in small bookshops across America, The Celestine Prophecy is a work that has come to light at a time when the world deeply needs to read its words. The story it tells is a gripping one of adventure and discovery, but it is also a guidebook that has the power to crystallize your perceptions of why you are where you are in life…and to direct your steps with a new energy and optimism as you head into tomorrow.

In 2005, a friend of mine, a reporter I knew, handed me this book (along with Tom Robbins’ Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates, which you should also read). It was wrapped with a bow and everything, but it wasn’t a present. “You need to read this now, I think,” he said.

And he was right.

A reviewer sums it up fairly well: “On first read, I wanted to throw it in the bin. On the second read, I let go of the fact that it was badly written and the characters were bad and all the other flaws. I don’t think it was ever intended to be a work of literary wonder but as an accessible vehicle for ideas.”

And that’s what it looks like you’re looking for. Ideas. Not even Redfield’s ideas, but your own ideas. In this way, your reading experience will mimic the actual prescription for you, which is, let go a little bit, let the small stuff slide, don’t be so critical (of yourself), and allow others to help you find your way.

Now, if you really, truly hate this book (because a lot of people do – I’m going out on a limb here, recommending it to you), may I also suggest the aforementioned Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates. It’s like The Celestine Prophecy only better written and funnier.

Here’s a brief synopsis:

Switters is a contradiction for all seasons: an anarchist who works for the government; a pacifist who carries a gun; a vegetarian who sops up ham gravy; a cyberwhiz who hates computers; a man who, though obsessed with the preservation of innocence, is aching to deflower his high-school-age stepsister (only to become equally enamored of a nun ten years his senior). Yet there is nothing remotely wishy-washy about Switters. He doesn’t merely pack a pistol. He is a pistol. And as we dog Switters’s strangely elevated heels across four continents, in and out of love and danger, discovering in the process the “true” Third Secret of Fatima, we experience Tom Robbins—that fearless storyteller, spiritual renegade, and verbal break dancer—at the top of his game. On one level this is a fast-paced CIA adventure story with comic overtones; on another it’s a serious novel of ideas that brings the Big Picture into unexpected focus; but perhaps more than anything else, Fierce Invalids is a sexy celebration of language and life.

Should both of those books fail you, there is also and always Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach.

To wit:

This is a story for people who follow their hearts and make their own rules…people who get special pleasure out of doing something well, even if only for themselves…people who know there’s more to this living than meets the eye: they’ll be right there with Jonathan, flying higher and faster than ever they dreamed.

Hey, at least I didn’t recommend any Deepak Chopra, right?

the-celestine-prophecy-james-redfield

We must assume every event has significance and contains a message that pertains to our questions…this especially applies to what we used to call bad things…the challenge is to find the silver lining in every event, no matter how negative. – James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy

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Books To Cure Insomnia

May 3, 2013 11:50 pm , 2 Comments ,

Dear Literopathy,

I have terrible sleep deprivation … what would you suggest?

Regards,

D in the UK

Dear D,

There is absolutely nothing worse than a bad case of insomnia. Well, possibly there are a few things worse than insomnia but, in our opinion, that list is short. There’s a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture.

One of the especially awful things about insomnia is that, unless you’ve been there, you don’t get it. And honestly, not getting it is fine – as long as you realize that you don’t get it and you don’t try to offer (usually obvious) solutions for someone else’s lack of sleep. Insomniacs have to suffer through hours of well-intentioned suggestions, ranging from drinking warm milk to practicing yoga to entirely giving up caffeine (pardon us while we shudder at the thought). We here at Literopathy won’t offer you anything like that – we realize that sometimes you just can’t sleep and, short of taking horse tranquilizers (which we don’t recommend), that’s that. But we also know that sometimes, the unwilling body can be coaxed, maybe even tricked, into sleep. So we did our best to find a book that will work for both scenarios.

Our prescription for you is Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. This thousand-page tome has been called “Harry Potter for grownups” (which is ridiculous, because we all know that Harry Potter is for people of almost any age), and centres around two men determined to bring magic, which has been absent for hundreds of years, back to England. The storyline is an alternative English history set during the Napoleonic Wars, with Mr. Norrell and his pupil Jonathan Strange using their skills as magicians to aid the English campaign. Its characters are complex and the the world it’s set in is rich with historical details. Oh and it’s full of footnotes. Fascinating, often hilarious footnotes.

What we love about this book is that the magic (much like sleep) is elusive, unpredictable and otherworldly. Although humans try to harness it for their own purposes, the fact is that magic is the element of Fairy and can only truly be understood by its inhabitants. Unlike in other works of fantasy, magic in Clarke’s novel isn’t just a convenient replacement for technology, it’s a force – a frightening, dangerous force, to be treated with a great deal of respect.

We recommend this book to you for three reasons. First of all, it’s interesting enough to occupy you during a long, wakeful night. Second of all, it’s dense enough to help lull you to sleep on nights when rest is elusive but not entirely impossible. Third of all, we think that you, as a current inhabitant of the United Kingdom, will get a kick out of its exploration of the idea of Englishness. For example, as Jonathan Strange explains, an Englishman would  be respectful with how he uses magic:

“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never would.”

A gentleman would, however, spend his long, sleepless nights poring over the pages of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Even if you’re not a gentleman (a term that we’re not exactly sure that we approve of, anyway, or even fully understand), we think that this book will help.

For our readers, is that what you would have suggested? Or do you have another book in mind?

Jonathan-Strange-Mr-Norrell

 

There is nothing else in magic but the wild thought of the bird as it casts itself into the void. There is no creature upon the earth with such potential for magic. Even the least of them may fly straight out of this world and come by chance to the Other Lands. Where does the wind come from that blows upon your face, that fans the pages of your book? Where the harum-scarum magic of small wild creatures meets the magic of Man, where the language of the wind and the rain and the trees can be understood, there we will find the Raven King.

Posted in: Prescriptions , Tagged: , , , ,

I Do Everything In Excess

May 3, 2013 7:22 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Dear Literopathy:

I tend to do everything in excess. I drink too much alcohol, I eat too much food, I smoke weed (when I have it) constantly…

How can I go about reducing what I believe is a compulsive behavior (in addition to going to psychiatrists and therapists)?

Sincerely,

Smokes, Drinks and Eats Too Much

Dear SDETM,

We entertained thoughts of recommending several different novels to you, but they all seemed to glorify or encourage the kinds of behaviors that you say you want to reduce. We also toyed with the idea of recommending self-help books to you, but that feels like more of a job for the therapists you speak of going to. So we thought it most fitting to steer you towards a good memoir. Speaking from our own experiences, sometimes there is nothing more helpful than hearing the story of someone that you can relate to and identify with– someone who has been and there and done that and found a way to overcome it.

With that in mind, we’d like to prescribe to you Augusten Borrough’s Dry. Dry is a sarcastic and honest look at the author’s attempt to get sober from alcohol, only to find that his compulsive behavior extends to other things, like sex, relationships, and work, too. Sometimes it takes someone else’s moment of clarity to help us reach our own. He cuts to the truth of where it comes from when he says,

 

I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.



Because, at the heart of it, isn’t most compulsive and self-destructive behavior an attempt to fill some kind of internal void? Don’t we often continue to seek out external solutions in the hope that the pain we feel somewhere inside ourselves will finally go away? “Just one more drink and I’ll feel better. Another hit and I’ll be numb.” And on and on and on ad infinitum. It’s wonderful, heartwarming, and wildly entertaining to read as Borroughs manages to find happiness and serenity within himself, though he has to go down a dark path to get there.

If dry wit (pun intended?) is not something you’re in the mood for, another remedy might be I Am Jennie by Jennie Ketcham. Jennie, formerly the porn star known as Penny Flame, speaks frankly and candidly about her sex, drug, and alcohol addictions. She says,

I am into anything that you put in front of me, whether it’s human, whether it’s substance, whether it’s a good decision or bad decision and I follow it through. I do it to my own detriment. I do it until I hurt myself.

She decides to appear on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew with hopes of boosting her flagging career but instead ends up discovering that she is more broken than she originally thought. What follows is the brutally honest and brave account of how she fought her way out from under through hard work, humility, and art. You can’t help but feel inspired after hearing her talk about how far she’s come.

We all have our own paths to fulfillment and some of us self-medicate while we try to find our way there. Here’s hoping that one of these books hits home for you and, at the very least, makes you feel better about your own compulsions by showing you that some people are WAY worse!

What about you, dear readers? Do you have a book that you think will do the trick better than the ones we’ve prescribed? Let us know in the comments!

dry1
jen
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Sex, Consent and Teenage Boys

May 2, 2013 11:42 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Dear Literopathy,

You have arrived in my life at the most perfect time! (Thanks for that).

Here’s my query, I have a 12 year old son. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and researching and (I now know that) whatever is your first thing that turns you on will shape what turns you on for the rest of your life. This is a problem because of all the explicit porn online that kids are exposed to – even if they’re not looking for it. I don’t want my son (or other kids) to have a weird/horrible sex association so I am looking for a book I can give him to read that will do the trick for him (if you know what I mean) and that promotes respectful, consensual, loving and desirous sexual couplings!

Books were my first introduction to the world of sex and all my kids are readers – so – can you suggest something appropriate for a near teenager?

Many thanks!!!

T.G.

 

Dear T.G.,

As much as we like sexy books, we’re not comfortable with recommending them for your teenager. We feel strongly that he should have the joy of discovering them himself at his own pace. But wanting your kid to grow into his sexuality in a positive way is commendable, and we do want to help.

It’s understandable to be anxious about how your kid’s sexuality is going to develop, because there’s a lot of terrible information out there for him to stumble across. But alas, you can’t control what he has access to for much longer. And you definitely can’t control what’s going to turn him on when he grows up, or even what’s going to turn him on right now. It’s also too soon for you to know for sure whether he’s straight, gay, or something else entirely. Some kids realize their orientation really early, but others only grow into that knowledge over time.

What you can do is make sure that he gets excellent information about the importance of consent, mutual respect, and healthy masculinity. And not just once; you’re going to want to give him this information over and over in different contexts. A well-selected book can definitely help these conversations along.

Right this moment, your Literopathy prescription is for Mavis Jukes’ The Guy Book: An Owner’s Manual (Maintenance, Safety, and Operating Instructions for Teens) by Mavis Jukes.

The Guy Book has all that necessary information about puberty and changing bodies and safe sex that every teen should have a reference book at hand for. But this book isn’t limited to reproductive health basics. There’s also some really great information about relationships (romantic and otherwise) and how to navigate confusing emotions.

Boys are often discouraged from expressing (and feeling) certain emotions, such as sadness, fear, and anxiety. But we need to get real with each other. Everybody experiences feelings of sadness, vulnerability, lonliness, fear, anxiety, shame, and confusion at one time or another.

…

Both boys and girls (and men and women) feel all ways: strong and weak, powerful and vulnerable, confident and insecure, courageous and afraid.

These are human feelings. They’re not attached to a particular gender.”

There’s detailed, age-appropriate stuff in here about consent, body image, media literacy, self-care, locker-room talk, and more.

This is your prescription, not just your son’s. Read it yourself before you give it to him, so you can talk about what it’s for and be prepared for any questions he might have about what’s inside.

You might want to make a practice of having a family library of reference books that are available to your kids but haven’t explicitly been given to them. Not just about sex, either. Dinosaurs are awesome. So are memoirs. So is space travel. Wars are not so awesome, but knowing about them is important. So we recommend placing your growing reference collection (however small it is to start) on a shelf they can get at (if you have younger kids pick one that’s too tall for them for any more mature content) and they’ll reach for them when they’re ready. Let their curiosity lead the way.

When you’re ready to start filling out that reference shelf, Jukes has another book called It’s A Girl Thing that may come in handy if your son is curious about what’s going on with the other half of humanity. And when he gets a few years older, Heather Corinna (founder of comprehensive sex-ed site Scarleteen) has written S.E.X.: The All‐you‐need‐to‐know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You through High School and College, which cannot be praised highly enough.

As your son starts exploring his sexuality, he’ll need this kind of foundation knowledge to help him sift through everything available to him and determine what’s true, what appropriate for him, and what he can confidently ignore. Who knows, he may end up being the kid who’s in-the-know and who shares information with his peers that makes them all safer and wiser and more excellent to one another. And wouldn’t that be the most wonderful thing?

Jacket.aspx

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“I Keep Marrying Narcissistic Colombians”

May 1, 2013 11:29 pm , 4 Comments ,

Dear Literopathy,

Here’s my problem: I keep marrying Colombians with varying degrees of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). No seriously. Stop laughing.

Recommended reading to resolve a fucked up love life?

Love,

Your Twice-Divorced (Irish) Twitter Friend

Dear TD(I)TF,

When love fails again and again, it’s easy to give in to the idea that it just wasn’t meant to be in this lifetime—that somehow love is meant for other people. For people who know how to do it “right.”

We call bullshit.

Narcissistic Colombians are a problem—no one is denying it. But so are narcissistic Americans, Canadians, and—we suspect—even Lithuanians. They’re everywhere, and they’re really good at pretending and at preying on hope.

That’s why our prescription for you is Barbara Kingsolver’s 1990 novel, Animal Dreams. Its protagonist, Cosima “Codi” Noline, is all out of hope when she returns to her home town of Grace, Arizona. She never got the hang of love, and frankly, she’s over it. The fact that her high school sweetheart, Loyd, is still living in Grace, still hot, and seems to have grown up into a decent human is not an issue at all, because Codi isn’t staying.

The problem is, she doesn’t know where she’s going.

And really, where do we, any of us, think we’re going when we’re so certain that the solution lies somewhere else? Somewhere outside of us?

Maybe what we’re looking for won’t be found in whatever place we’re aiming to reach, but rather in the effort that it takes to get there. Maybe it’s the journey that keeps us going. Or, as Codi’s sister Hallie tells her,

What keeps you going isn’t some fine destination but just the road you’re on, and the fact that you know how to drive. You keep your eyes open, you see this damned-to-hell world you got born into, and you ask yourself, ‘What life can I live that will let me breathe in and out and love somebody or something and not run off screaming into the woods?’

While researching this book for you, we ran across a review on Good Reads that seemed to sum up why this book is—and books in general are—good medicine:

“It’s probably silly to say that the moral of a story is that sometimes life chooses you, since fictional characters are by nature figments of imagination, and get to enjoy the plotting out and tidying up that their authors are wont to do for them. But maybe belief in fiction is an extension of belief in an interventionist God.

Maybe the reason this book left me sobbing and shaken is that it gives the right answer. Isn’t that why we read novels — in the hopes that someone else’s imagined life will provide the answers for our own questions? We take books like medicine. But like medicine, it’s still practice … no one’s promising that this time, this cure will work for me, or for you. We can only keep trying for that perfect, elusive match of cure to symptom.” 

TD(I)TF, our hope for you is that Codi Noline speaks to that part of you that, perhaps, thinks love is a lie or meant for someone else. We hope this book provides that spark of fire within you that rekindles every bit of hope and love those narcissists stole from you.

Or, as Barbara Kingsolver wrote in Animal Dreams,

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.

49696

 

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“I Am 35 And Living At Home With My Parents”

May 1, 2013 11:52 am , 4 Comments ,

Our very first letter, from J:

I’m a 35-year old single mom who had to move in with my parents. Their love and support is wonderful and I am so grateful for sure… But sometimes THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY BECAUSE I AM 35 AND LIVING AT HOME WITH MY PARENTS.

Help.

Xo,
J

Dear J,

It sounds to us like you need a coming-of-age story. And not just any coming-of-age story, but a grown up one. See, the coming-of-age genre is one of our favourites, but we’ve realized that there is a dearth of these types of stories about adults; most of them centre around teens, or people in their early twenties, because that’s when we tend to think of people as “growing up”. But honestly, do we actually do all of our growing up at once, at only one specific time or age? Or do we do it slowly, in fits and starts, over the entire course of our lives?

We here at Literopathy believe that it’s the latter.

For this reason, our prescription for you is to read Fannie Flagg’s 1987 gem, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. We think that watching Evelyn’s transformation from miserable, lonely wife to empowered fighter who wants to challenge societal norms will inspire you. We hope that Idgie, Ruth and Evelyn’s stories will help you realize that people can change and grow into their lives at any age. We’re sure that the idea that a person can be use friendship and stories to help them find themselves and break free from the things that are holding them back will resonate with you. And, finally, we believe that the theme of the importance of family, and, through our families, our connections to the past, will help ease the frustration you feel about living with your parents.

Plus, the book is also chock-full of amazing recipes. So if you ever need to take a break from reading, you can try your hand at cooking.

Another great read along the same vein is Flagg’s Welcome To The World, Baby Girl!, which is about a successful woman who suffers a breakdown and has to move back to her home town and start her life over. If you find that Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe does not alleviate your symptoms, we recommend following it up with a dose of Welcome To The World, Baby Girl! 

We hope that you enjoy this book, and look forward to hearing back from you once you’ve completed your course of treatment. Literopathy can be administered at any time of day, though we do find that it’s most effective when done just before bedtime.

We would also love to hear any other suggested literopathy treatments from our readers. Think there’s another book that would suit this patient much better than the ones we’ve recommended? Please let us know in the comments!

Fried

“You know, a heart can be broken, but it keeps on beating, just the same.” – Fannie Flagg, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe

 

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